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When Family Members And Friends Offend By Imposing Their Problems On You Repeatedly…

By Janet Vargas - Owner Of This Website

Especially the same problem "over and over" some people are heavy weights at that and there seems no way of escaping them. Ever felt weighed down like that "time after time" in addition to whatever your concerns may be?

Hi Friends, I’ve experienced a lot of this kind of thing for some years and may be able to help you.

When they keep making poor decisions and are disgruntled with life, we should not have to bear punishment for that when they don’t like the consequences. We really should not, that’s very unfair. If it is a family member at fault for that kind of behaviour, I believe that’s a form of abuse. If it is a friend at fault, that is a form of abuse also that does not know boundaries and they will have to learn better – if they don’t respect your boundaries.

They are boundary violators and should be dealt with accordingly. If they don’t learn their lesson, opt for better friends because that is no friendship – they violate the very principles Friendship is founded on. Friendship must be built on good principles, there aren’t a lot of them but they must be respected to Enjoy any Friendship.

That’s what Friendship is all about. Like the laws of Nature, if they can’t keep those laws, they’re not ready for friendship and we’re certainly not ready for theirs. It is human nature, that everyone offends sometimes – we say or do something that offends someone or can be perceived that way but those who keep offending……there is no excuse for that kind of behaviour. Not anyone, don’t put up with it.

Yes it’s so unkind of them, it really lacks consideration and respect. With some people, it lacks commonsense too. I liken it to false economy, where people keep accruing bills and paying interest rates on poor spending habits. That is a strain to any friendship. They would rather wear themselves out with all the stress that poor decisions entail and wear you out as well, in the process. That’s really risky business for them and you also if you let them get away with it.

Friends, please don’t make yourselves a candidate for that kind of thing or keep tolerating that kind of relationship. Some people are keen to ease their stress on a constant basis that way, which is short lived and strictly temporary, rather than go about things a better way – they would rather risk their mental health AND YOURS rather than be Kind to themselves AND YOU.

Something I’ve learnt in life is Everyone has an ability to be self-destructive, and most people are in some way when you think about it: something they should Do but don’t or some think they should Not do but won’t Stop. That is an area we all need to work on and improve things as much as we can. It’s in our interest to do so. And for our family if we have a spouse, parents or children living with us or closely relating with us because it spares them unnecessary stress too.

Some stress is inevitable in these times that we’re living in, that makes it so important to cut down on unnecessary stress, with things we can change and be grateful that some things we CAN change with a different mindset or a different approach. It makes sense if an approach doesn’t work for you, to find one that does. Or acknowledge one that could – most of us are great at resisting advice or ideas put forward to us by someone who cares for us or something we hear in conversation with someone. Why are we so stubborn? Why would we spend our energies on things that stress us out –  to our detriment and that of others sometimes?

The saying is so true “Some people would be lost without problems to keep them company.” Most of us don’t like problems, some people will tackle them, some don’t want to spend the energy on that and just put up with them. That takes more energy – it’s an energy Zapper – and so are the hours different people have imposed on me through the years, with repetitious voicing of complaints, mostly of their making.

I know better these days – don’t ever let your kindness be misinterpreted or taxed. You wouldn’t pay anyone else’s Taxes would you? You shouldn’t pay their problem taxes either. Some people expect an awful lot, just because they don’t want to spend any effort on working things out (which is the sensible thing to do) or they keep on saying they don’t know what to do and they just want to offload all the time because they think it makes them feel better. Whatever way you think about that, it’s just plain selfish or careless – either way, they’re not considering YOU.

2 thoughts on “When Family Members And Friends Offend By Imposing Their Problems On You Repeatedly…

  1. Anna

    Thank you Janet, I can see clearly someone is taking advantage of my kindness after reading this. She does not want any advice, just someone to lean on with no intentions of being a true friend. I can do without that as I have concerns of my own and a better friend to spend more time with. Everyone read these wise words!

    Reply
    1. Janet

      Yes I've been there, many have had their share of this kind of thing, it's more common than some of us would think. Glad you found your way. This is a late reply, still getting used to the way Comments work in this Site-builder, apologies for that.

      Reply

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