These People are not necessarily Narcs (Narcissistic) but obviously have had Inside Issues in their upbringing - they were not brought up appropriately with the Love and Discipline and Attention every Child Needs and they grow up with those Issues unaddressed and unfixed. By the time they have Grown Up, those Unresolved Issues have worked their way into that Person's Character and accounts for the way they Behave with and towards others.
So many Couples have Babies who are nowhere near Ready to Bring Up Kids. And many of us need to Heal from things in Our Upbringing before we consider bringing Children into this World.
People Who Are Kind On The Surface But Mean Underneath
Often Display These 7 Specific Behaviors
by Justin Brown – Ideapod
Beneath the veneer of Kindness with some people, an undercurrent of Meanness can lurk. This paradox often confounds us, as we grapple with the question: how can someone appear so charming, yet behave so destructively?
The Answer Lies In Subtle Behaviors
It’s not about demonizing people, but rather understanding their complexities. And it starts with acknowledging that kindness isn’t always what it seems on the surface.
Below, we delve into seven specific behaviors often exhibited by those who may appear kind but possess a mean streak beneath the surface. Recognizing these signs can help us navigate relationships with more insight and authenticity.
Sugar-Coated Criticism
A veneer of kindness can often camouflage harsh criticism. This is a subtle and complex behavior that can be difficult to identify, mainly because it’s wrapped in a layer of niceness.
Imagine someone offering you a compliment, only to follow it with a cutting remark. They may say something like, “You’re really good at your job, but…,” or “I love your outfit, except…” What follows these statements is usually a critique or a negative comment.
This behavior is manipulative as it creates confusion between the compliment and the criticism. You find yourself questioning if the person is indeed kind or if their words carry a more sinister undertone.
It’s essential to understand that genuine kindness doesn’t come with qualifiers. Constructive criticism should be separate from compliments and delivered with respect and empathy. Recognizing this behavior can help us navigate our relationships more authentically and steer clear of such confusing interactions.
Hidden Agendas
We’ve all come across individuals who seem to be kind, only to later realize that their actions were driven by ulterior motives. I, too, have experienced this in my journey.
I recall a time when an acquaintance offered to help with a project. Initially, it seemed like a generous offer driven by good intentions. But as time passed, it became clear that their involvement had less to do with helping me and more about gaining recognition for themselves.
This behavior is a classic example of appearing kind on the surface but having a hidden agenda underneath. The kindness acts as a smokescreen for their real intentions.
It’s a reminder for us to always remain discerning and aware. Genuine kindness doesn’t come with strings attached or hidden expectations. It’s about offering help without seeking anything in return, truly embodying the spirit of giving. Recognizing this behavior allows us to better understand others’ motives and maintain our authenticity in relationships.
Emotional Manipulation
Delving deeper into the realm of hidden agendas, we find the territory of emotional manipulation. This is where kindness on the surface serves as a tool to control or influence others emotionally.
Remembering back to the story of the acquaintance who offered help with a project, their kindness wasn’t just about gaining recognition. It was about creating an emotional debt, a sense of obligation that I should reciprocate in some way.
Their seemingly kind actions were actually attempts to control the dynamic of our relationship. By making me feel indebted, they were trying to manipulate my emotions and actions.
Emotional manipulation can be subtle and insidious, but it’s crucial to recognize it for what it is. True kindness doesn’t involve manipulation or control. It’s about respecting each other’s autonomy and treating each other with empathy and understanding.
By recognizing these behaviors, we can better protect ourselves from emotional manipulation and strive for authenticity and mutual respect in our relationships.
Excessive Selflessness
At first glance, selflessness seems like an indicator of kindness. We often admire people who give endlessly to others. However, a pattern of excessive selflessness may hide a mean streak underneath.
Consider someone who is always putting others first, to the point of neglecting their own needs. They may be doing this not out of genuine kindness but as a way to garner praise and attention. When the expected recognition doesn’t come their way, they may become resentful and mean.
This behavior points to the importance of balance. True kindness involves taking care of others and ourselves. It’s about respecting our own needs and boundaries while also considering those of others.
Overbearing Generosity
Generosity is undoubtedly a virtue. However, when it becomes overbearing, it may not be as kind as it seems. Individuals who are kind on the surface but mean underneath often use excessive generosity to control or manipulate situations.
Imagine someone who always insists on paying for meals or giving lavish gifts, but then uses these actions to claim a debt or favor in return. Their generosity feels more like a strategy for control, creating an imbalance in the relationship.
This behavior underlines the need for mutual respect and equality in our interactions. True generosity is unconditional and doesn’t seek to control or manipulate others.
Recognizing this behavior can help us foster healthier relationships based on mutual respect and reciprocity.
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Politeness As A Shield
Politeness is generally associated with respect and good manners. However, when it’s used excessively, it can become a shield to hide one’s true feelings or intentions.
Consider someone who always maintains an impeccable demeanor, never raising their voice or showing any signs of anger. While it may seem like they are kind, this could be a strategy to avoid genuine communication.
Beneath the surface of their polite exterior, they might harbor resentment or disdain, which eventually seeps out in passive-aggressive behaviors or snide remarks.
This behavior highlights the importance of sincerity in our interactions. Authentic kindness involves expressing our emotions honestly and respectfully, not hiding behind a mask of politeness.
Recognizing this behavior can help us foster more open and genuine relationships, where we feel safe to express our feelings without fear of judgment or retaliation.
Selective Kindness
Kindness should be universal, extending to all people regardless of their status or relation to us. However, those who appear kind on the surface but are mean underneath often display selective kindness.
They may treat certain people with utmost respect and consideration, while completely disregarding or disrespecting others based on factors like social status, appearance, or personal bias.
For instance, they may be exceedingly nice to their boss, but rude to the waiter serving their lunch. This selective kindness is not genuine but a tool for personal gain or benefit.
This behavior underscores the belief in the fundamental dignity and worth of every individual. True kindness is non-discriminatory and encompasses empathy and respect for all.
Recognizing this behavior can help us strive for genuine kindness in our interactions, fostering relationships based on mutual respect and empathy.
Peeling Back the layers
Human behavior is a complex tapestry woven with threads of emotions, experiences, and inherent traits. The phenomena of people appearing Kind on the surface but showing Meanness underneath adds another layer to this intricate design.
These behaviors, often subtle and manipulative, can create confusion in our interactions. Understanding them, however, can empower us to navigate our relationships with more Insight and authenticity.
Could it be that recognizing these behaviors is a step towards fostering healthier relationships? Perhaps, by shining a Light on these patterns, we can Encourage more genuine kindness and empathy in our Interactions.