By Janet Vargas - Owner Of This Website
Things You Can Do With Difficult Friendships
These are stressful days we are living in – there’s no doubt about that – and many people are becoming “Needs-Orientated” because they don’t have managing skills. These are Life Skills we all need to develop and some mistakenly expect others to have these Life Skills for them. Or worse still, they want to constantly Off-Load their problems on others as their way of coping or complaining about life and that is SIMPLY UNFAIR.
You have come to the right place if you have problematic friendships. I’ve had a few and I found what to do. Of necessity, it was a real awakening in recent years.
Because I was far too Caring, I did not “practice the Principles I needed to” for my sanity (so to speak) and Peace of Mind. Looking back now, that so sapped up my energies, I’ve not been able to do some things I had planned to do because my energies were somewhat drained. They called themselves Friends but they needed a good spanking – they did not take responsibility for mistakes they were making and leaned much of their weight on me!
Give Them Guidelines – It’s Called Making Boundaries.
Boundaries are to protect you. Everyone should have boundaries.
Don’t tolerate boundary violators. If your wishes are not respected, tell them once or twice, then call it a day because they don’t respect you. Or spend Less Time With Them.
Have you heard the saying “Familiarity breeds contempt?” Sometimes it does – when you’ve known someone for a long time or spent lots of time together, they start to be lazy in their communications.
They do not phone you much and they answer texts less often. They’re not so interested to catch up but they’re willing to if they have some other problem.
Make your wishes known and stay with those who respect them, those who don't should not expect anything from you.
Refuse to play that game and trust God for better in life. You carry less importance in their lives. They’re always too busy and have other things to do.
Maybe This Is An Option For You
Maybe they’re more interested in spending time with someone-else (the novelty wears off, so to speak). This is not fair to you. Try to find friends you spend less time with and their interest is sustained. For some of us, acquaintance proves to be better or healthier. People share their problems less and there is more respect – this is better and smarter than complicated friendships. See what works better for you, one or two close friends or a few pleasant acquaintances.
Learn To Assess Your Friendships
A Good Friendship Goes Two-Ways Not One-Way.
A Good Friendship Is Healthy And Balanced.
A Good Friendship Is Founded Or Maintained On Mutual Respect.
Good Friends Don’t Place Expectations On You.
Good Friends Know Your Comfort Zone.
Good Friends Show Consistent Communications.
AND
A Good Friend Will Appreciate You For Your Worth
Happy To See You And Hear From You!
Avoid Needs Orientated Friendships
Some friends share problems with each-other most the time or often.
Their relationship lacks purpose and fulfilment.
They seldom do things together and if they do, they take their problems along.
These kind of friendships are unsatisfying and unprofitable (This can be both parties).
It’s just unhealthy because it strengthens negative mindsets.
We need to change unhealthy mindsets, not make them concrete – like when someone’s circumstances seem to confirm negative expectations in life.
No-one needs that, neither of you. Maybe you think you do, then somehow it goes beyond your comfort zone – that is because a Needs Based Friendship IS Unhealthy.
Spend Yourself Wisely
And it’s simply unfair when a friend takes advantage of your kindness or compassion by indulging in unhealthy conversation with you as if you were some type of a Counsellor or burden-bearer “God is our Burden-Bearer” He alone has shoulders big enough for that!
Some friends really expect too much from us. They drain our energies and disturb our peace of mind. Be careful, this kind of relationship does not go anywhere and only leads to frustration. Do you know why? Because in reality, when you think of it, that is a one-way relationship (not two-ways) and it’s quite selfish – one person seems to be getting more out of it while the other person, most times, finds that exhausting and they feel ungratified after times spent together. So please, for your sake and that of your loved ones, try to avoid friends whose problems always or often keep their focus.
They don’t really enjoy your company – they just think they do because they have some type of a temporary fix, offloading on you (till next time!).
I made a friendship with someone a few years ago who simply adored me and what I do and then tried to change what I do. Some people don't know what they want, hey? Remember the saying "Don't think too much?" If someone's friendship is making you think too much about them, their problems, whatever or making you think too much about yourself, maybe that friendship is not healthy for you.
Healthy friendships need healthy habits, not too much talk. It's nice to do things together sometimes, go out for walks whatever and let others know what you like in a friendship - not unrealistic expectations (happy or sad). And sometimes deciding we would be better without someone as a friend, just see them less or choose friends more appropriately. Sometimes we need to see where we could make improvements within ourselves and what we are offering the other person - friendship goes two ways.
Friends and True Friends
True Friends are the Sunshine of Life
– Not hardship and strife –
Some Friendships need to be Reviewed,
so Life can Become New.
If people offend repeatedly again and again,
don’t hold on to them to the end –
Trust that you will find True Friends.
Some people continually make you feel sad,
decide for friendships that make you glad.
© Janet Vargas
NOTE: I DO BELIEVE THERE IS A PLACE FOR 'Love And Compassion' AND EXTENDING OURSELVES AND THIS SHOULD BE WISELY BECAUSE SOME FRIENDSHIPS CAN BE DETRIMENTAL AND OVER TIME, CAN EVEN CHANGE THE PERSON WE ARE (Our Thought Patterns) MAKING FOR LESS PEACE IN OURSELVES, LESS ENERGY AND LESS TIME FOR THOSE WHO ARE DESERVING OF OUR TIME AND FRIENDSHIP. BE NOT QUICK TO ENTER INTO FRIENDSHIP WITH SOME (If You Have Any Doubts Or Uncertainty) THAT IS YOUR INNER GUIDE SPEAKING (Our Instincts) OR EVEN WISDOM FROM OUR CREATOR WHO KNOWS BETTER. SOME PEOPLE SURPRISINGLY MAKE GOOD VALUED FRIENDS - I WISH YOU QUALITY FRIENDS (Who Value Your Friendship And Respect Your Wishes). SUCH PEOPLE BRING OUT THE BEST IN US AND CAN EVEN CAUSE US TO THRIVE.