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Category: Communicating and Relating

Many are a bit lost with Communicating and Relating with People – especially first time, making Friends or Acquaintances. So many of us have been brought up with Busy or Distracted Working Parents or even 2 or 3 generations of such in the Family and this leaves you clueless. We would all like to improve our Relationships I’m sure. This New Category is for both. Cheers!

Published on Leave a comment on How to Know When And How to Say NO

By Dr. Caroline Leaf And Dr. Henry Cloud
Neuroscientist And Psychologist

It's Alright To Say "NO..."
You Don't Have To Do Everything.

We all know that community is important for mental health, but what happens when people demand too much from us? How do we know when and how to say no before we feel drained and burnout? 

As I discuss in this week’s podcast with Dr. Henry Cloud, acclaimed leadership expert, bestselling author and psychologist, boundaries are as important as community when it comes to our mental health. It is not selfish to say no or give ourselves a break. 

We all need space, or what Dr. Cloud calls “property lines”, in our relationships. These lines set healthy limits in a friendship, and make sure people don’t throw their “trash” into your yard (figuratively speaking) or try control what you do and how you live. These are not walls: they are permeable. Ideally, we open our boundaries to let in good relationships, but we close them to keep out to threats and danger.

But, you may ask, what can you do when you feel obligated to say “yes” all the time and let people in all the time?…

Published on Leave a comment on 4 Ways Our Relationships Change Who We Are – Good And Not So Good

Gwendolyn Seidman Ph.D. PsychologyToday.Com

For good or bad, our partners influence us, and how we see ourselves.

When we are involved in serious romantic relationships, we find ourselves turning from a “me” to an “us”.1 This isn’t just a matter of semantics: The very nature of the self evolves through the relationship. We start to see our own self-concept as overlapping with that of our partner.2 That means that as we become increasingly committed, we find our self-concept actually changing—the “us” becomes “me.”3 But how does our self-concept change, and are these changes good or bad for us and our relationships?

According to Mattingly, Lewandowski, and McIntyre, our relationships can change our self-concepts in two ways:4

  • First, the size of your self-concept can change. It can expand, to include new traits or to make existing traits more prominent. For example, a man may discover a passion for gourmet cuisine after dates involving the preparation of elaborate meals. Alternatively, the size of your self-concept could shrink because the relationship has caused certain aspects of the self to be lost. This can happen because the relationship has caused you to neglect certain parts of yourself.
…

Published on Leave a comment on 10 Things Children Need That Money Can’t Buy – Some Inspiring Insights

By Joshua Becker

A MEANINGFUL AND INTERESTING SET OF PRINCIPLES THAT ARE KEPT IN PRACTICE AND ENCOURAGED BY A DAD WHO RUNS A WEBSITE CALLED BecomingMinimalist.Com THAT IS WORTH CONSIDERING. HE HAS SOME SPECIAL INSIGHTS I FEEL. IN A WORLD THAT IS SO FOCUSED ON MONEY AND MATERIAL POSESSIONS ETC MAYBE WE NEED TO REMEMBER OR BECOME AWARE OF THESE THINGS. BESIDES, SOME PEOPLE FEEL LIKE THEY DON'T HAVE MUCH TO OFFER THEIR KIDS, AND MAYBE THEY COULD FEEL A LITTLE RICH IF THEY'RE LIVING WITH SOME OF THESE PRINCIPLES IN THEIR HOME OR THAT THEY CAN BE. THERE ARE SOME GOOD OLD-FASHIONED THINGS HERE IN THIS POST THAT WERE PRACTICED BY GRANDPARENTS AND GREAT GRANDPARENTS OF YESTERYEAR THAT MAKES FOR HAPPY CHILDREN AND MAKES A HOUSE A HOME AND MOST OF US COULD BENEFIT FROM SOME OF THEM.

Healthy Parental Blessings Money Cannot Buy - Consider These

“If you haven’t time to respond to a tug at your pants leg, your schedule is too crowded.” – Robert Brault

Whether you have money in your bank account or not, you have something they need:

  1. Love. More important than anything else, children need your love. 
…

Published on Leave a comment on 9 Things Your Child Wishes You’d Do But Doesn’t Know How to Tell You

By Brandi Michel from FamilyFelicity.Com

“Happier Moms Raising Happier Families”

THIS MUM HAS SOME REAL INSIGHTS WITH KIDS, SHE LEARNED AS A PARENT. SHE MADE HER SHARE OF MISTAKES LIKE MOST PARENTS AND CAME UP WITH THESE PRECIOUS PRINCIPLES WHEN PRACTICED, CAN MAKE ALL THE DIFFERENCE - OUR KIDS ARE HAPPIER AND WELL ADJUSTED. CHILDREN DESERVE A BETTER START IN LIFE THAN THEY'RE GETTING OFTEN THESE DAYS. BRANDI'S ARTICLE SHOULD HELP MANY OF MY READERS TO BECOME WISER PARENTS WITH THANKFUL KIDS WHEN THEY GROW UP, REMEMBERING THEY BECAME SO MUCH HAPPIER WHEN THEIR UNSPOKEN NEEDS WERE MET. I WISH EVERYONE WELL.

There are some things our kids don’t always tell us. Things they should but don’t have the capacity to find the words. Or they just have no idea how to tell you. These are things they desperately need us to do for them, that often times go unmet.

These are the things that children wish their parents knew, so we could easily be equipped to meet their unsaid needs.

This is a sticky situation for both the kids who need them and the parents who unknowingly fail to deliver.…

Published on Leave a comment on Positive Psychology: Ways We Can Help Ourselves And Others

POSITIVE PSYCHOLOGY WAS INTRODUCED EARLY THIS CENTUARY (2000 and 2005) AND SOME OF IT'S PRINCIPLES CAN BE PRACTICED PERSONALLY - YOU WOULD NOT NEED A PSYCHOLOGIST. IN SOME RESPECTS, THIS KIND OF PRACTICE IS HEALTHIER THAN OTHERS, IF YOU DON'T OVER-DO IT (like most things). IT CERTAINLY HAS IT'S MERITS, YOU WILL SEE IN THIS POST. THESE DAYS, YOU CAN EVEN PRACTICE SOME BEHAVIOUR MODIFICATION TECHNIQUES WITHOUT THE NEED FOR A THERAPIST. SOME PSYCHOLOGISTS WRITE BOOKS AND VIDEOS SHOWING YOU HOW TO APPLY THE TECHNIQUES FOR YOURSELVES. THEY'RE GOOD FOR MAKING AND BREAKING HABITS. SOCIAL PSYCHOLOGY IS INTERESTING TOO. FOR NOW, LET'S SEE WHAT POSITIVE PSYCHOLOGY HAS TO OFFER, HEY?

WHAT IS POSITIVE PSYCHOLOGY

Traditionally in psychology, the focus has been on identifying and treating mental health problems such as depression. This is critically important for those facing mental illness however, it provides an incomplete picture of mental health. Positive psychology is a relatively new branch of psychology that shifts the focus from what is clinically wrong, to the promotion of wellbeing and the creation of a satisfying life filled with meaning, pleasure, engagement, positive relationships and accomplishment.

Positive psychology is not about putting on a happy face all the time.…

Published on Leave a comment on If Anyone Needs to Stay Positive, Validate Their Feelings—Study Says

I LIKE THE APPROACH IN THIS ARTICLE. POSITVE PSYCHOLOGY COMES UP WITH SOME SIMPLE SOLUTIONS FOR THINGS WE CAN TRY WITH OURSELVES AND FAMILY AND FRIENDS SOMETIMES, TO IMPROVE OUR SITUATION OR FRAME OF MIND. DELVING INTO PROBLEMS ETC IS OLD-SCHOOL, NOT OFTEN PRACTICED THESE DAYS, WHICH IS A GOOD THING REALLY BECAUSE THE LIGHTER WE CAN BE WITH EACH-OTHER THE BETTER. TALKING ABOUT PROBLEMS CAN BE COUNTER-PRODUCTIVE...... ENCOURAGEMENTS AND VALIDATION IS A BETTER WAY TO GO MOST TIMES. IT'S BETTER NOT TO FUSS TOO MUCH, IT CAN ACCENTUATE THINGS INSTEAD OF MAKING US FEEL BETTER:)

Telling a distressed friend or family member something as simple as “I understand why you feel that way” can go a long way toward helping loved ones feel better, new research suggests.

This is especially important with Children.

In an Ohio State University study, participants described to the researchers a real-life incident that made them angry.

When researchers didn’t show support or understanding for the anger participants were describing, the students showed declines in positive emotions. But when the researchers validated what the participants were saying, their positive emotions were protected and stayed the same.…

Published on Leave a comment on When Friendships Are Stressful: Some Things We Can Do That May Help You

By Janet Vargas - Owner Of This Website

Things You Can Do With Difficult Friendships

These are stressful days we are living in – there’s no doubt about that – and many people are becoming “Needs-Orientated” because they don’t have managing skills. These are Life Skills we all need to develop and some mistakenly expect others to have these Life Skills for them. Or worse still, they want to constantly Off-Load their problems on others as their way of coping or complaining about life and that is SIMPLY UNFAIR.

You have come to the right place if you have problematic friendships. I’ve had a few and I found what to do. Of necessity, it was a real awakening in recent years.

Because I was far too Caring, I did not “practice the Principles I needed to” for my sanity (so to speak) and Peace of Mind. Looking back now, that so sapped up my energies, I’ve not been able to do some things I had planned to do because my energies were somewhat drained. They called themselves Friends but they needed a good spanking – they did not take responsibility for mistakes they were making and leaned much of their weight on me!…

Published on Leave a comment on Healing From Neglect As A Child: Find Keys – This Will Make A Difference!

By Janet Vargas - Owner Of This Website

Was there some way you felt unnoticed in your upbringing? Some of us experienced that with Teachers, an Aunty and Uncle, a big Brother or Sister but others have had rough beginnings with their Parents - believe it or not - who took very little notice of them and did not show much affection. This is something I've felt very passionate about since the 80's.

If you were neglected in some way as a child - unnoticed or lacking affection - I really feel for you because I experienced a sudden change at a young age of a different but similar nature, that left me decidedly empty and unfulfilled. Parents, please give each child your best in life. You may not have much else to give them materially speaking but please give them the "Best of You!" Lots of hugs, some undivided interest each day and some laughter in the Home are the Best Gifts and Start in Life you can give them - other things are not so important.

You need to apologise to your kids and change your ways if you don't.…

Published on Leave a comment on An Overlooked Way To Good Health. New Discoveries Made By Psychologists Concerning A 2,000 Year Christian Principle.

Forgiveness: Jesus encouraged this in His Counsel To Us And In The Life He Lived Among Us 33 Years. It Is Probably Taken To Be A Religious Exercise By Most People Who Have Not Experienced It. However, The Grace And Freedom Found In Forgiveness Is Not Limited To Christians. In Fact, I Have Known A Few To Be Unforgiving, Who Do Not Reflect Jesus’ Manner. Psychologists Are Excited With The Newfound  Discovery That Forgiveness Benefits Our Health – Mentally, Emotionally And Even Physically. They Are Recording Good Results, Sometimes Surprising.

These Days, Neuroscientists Tell Us That Unhealthy Attitudes – With Emotions That Accompany Them – Can Make You Sick, Mentally Or Physically. So The Positive Is That Letting Go Of Unforgiveness Can Bring Healing And Sometimes Peace, Letting Go Of Anger Can Restore Your Joy Or Even Relieve Depression, Letting Go Of Resentment Has Been Known To Ease Symptoms Of Arthritis Etc. Why Not Read These Two Articles I Found On The Net Recently? This Principle If Practiced Could Be A Good Asset To Your Health, Your Family And Friendships.

Why Should You Forgive Someone? Though Not A Favourite Topic To Some Of Us,  In The Positive Sense, You May Find Some Real Clues For Better Health Reading This Post.…

Published on Leave a comment on Finding Validation: Who From? We Can Practice These Things And Feel Better Gradually.

Acceptance, everyone needs it. We are all wired for love, acceptance and approval. We all have those rights, some of us are conscious of those needs being met, others are not – it depends on our upbringing, how our emotions were formed, if our basic needs for affection and attention were met. However, there are things we can do.

Learning to develop a loving disposition towards ourselves in life is important these days rather than seeking validation from those who may not give it or fail to give it. Not everyone is inclined to give validation to others, some don’t think to express that. Often their thoughts are somewhere else (for whatever reason, it is not necessarily intentional) they may be thinking of what they have to say and fail to be attune to who they are conversing with half the time, and believe it or not, they may be concerned with finding their own validation sometimes.

Many people have a Co-Dependent relationship where they seek validation constantly from each-other, not often finding it – that can be a constant source of frustration.

For those who have not heard of this term before, validation is basically approval from others.…