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Category: Communicating and Relating

Many are a bit lost with Communicating and Relating with People – especially first time, making Friends or Acquaintances. So many of us have been brought up with Busy or Distracted Working Parents or even 2 or 3 generations of such in the Family and this leaves you clueless. We would all like to improve our Relationships I’m sure. This New Category is for both. Cheers!

Published on Leave a comment on Promises We Make And The Importance Of Keeping Them – Many Offend

By Janet Vargas - Owner Of This Website

I think all of us has a child inside of us that feels good when promises are kept. This is a message for Today isn’t it?......where so many promises are not kept with the busy rush and pace of life_ it's activity and responsibilities? For me, I said to Jesus with some very genuine people who had good intentions I'm sure.... "regardless of those, they too have let me down."

Its Nice To Remember Our Promises - Lets Keep Them!

Sometimes people can damage our trust with broken promises through sheer carelessness (rash promises) or neglect. There is a Bible verse which says to “Let your Yes be Yes and your No be No”.  I say to Christians in a different website I run “Let us be keepers of His Word – that is to keep our words.” Otherwise, it is best not to make promises, even if the person may feel good for the moment – they may be twice as upset later.....hey? It's true. I have had a few repeats of this recently. Just because I write Inspirations does not mean to say I'm exempt from disappointments, and I am a happy peaceful person these days.…

Published on Leave a comment on Learning to Trust Yourself Again After Betrayal – Take Care

By Habiba Jessica Zaman, NCC, LPC

Everyone talks about having a hard time trusting another person after a betrayal and so few discuss how difficult it is to trust ourselves as a result.

We focus on what the other person did to us and try to find ways to set up barricades to make sure this never happens to us again by someone else. We remind ourselves of the pain it has caused, the powerlessness, and the wrongness of what was done to us.

All of that is correct. We are hurt, we did feel powerless to stop it, we didn’t think they would do this to us, and it is wrong.

We then come up with creative ways to safeguard our bleeding heart. Defense mechanisms to find that power again that was taken from us through the betrayal.

Some turn to shutting out the heart, convincing oneself that we do not need another to rely on or find solace in, running from another when they get a bit too close, or perhaps putting up obstacles and bringing up unnecessary conflicts when we find that we are starting to open up and allowing vulnerability to present in the form of emotional intimacy.…

Published on Leave a comment on Janets Simple Philosophies – See If Some Of These Are Right For You

By Janet Vargas - Owner Of This Website

Sometimes the inspirations I write are referred to as philosophies by people who appreciate them as a way of life, so this page is named accordingly.

Hope you Enjoy!

## Be kind to the living....now is the time to be giving.

## Try to be kind to people and treat them with respect. It means so much to someone whose thoughts you do not know.

## When you aspire to something, be willing to work at or plan for it. Be patient in the process and kind with yourself. Don't try to skip the process, that usually ends in frustration.

## To accomplish things, take a step at a time. It's better to take sure steps than quantum leaps. This will work better for you.

## Surround yourself with some people who will lift you higher. And aim at lifting others higher - even if it's simply cheering them up.

## Live to add cheer to someone's day and God will take care of you. To live for others, not just ourselves is something we must do.

## Surround yourself with those who inspire or bring out the best in you rather than deplete you or stifle you.…

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Published on 2 Comments on When Family Members And Friends Offend By Imposing Their Problems On You Repeatedly…

By Janet Vargas - Owner Of This Website

Especially the same problem "over and over" some people are heavy weights at that and there seems no way of escaping them. Ever felt weighed down like that "time after time" in addition to whatever your concerns may be?

Hi Friends, I’ve experienced a lot of this kind of thing for some years and may be able to help you.

When they keep making poor decisions and are disgruntled with life, we should not have to bear punishment for that when they don’t like the consequences. We really should not, that’s very unfair. If it is a family member at fault for that kind of behaviour, I believe that’s a form of abuse. If it is a friend at fault, that is a form of abuse also that does not know boundaries and they will have to learn better – if they don’t respect your boundaries.

They are boundary violators and should be dealt with accordingly. If they don’t learn their lesson, opt for better friends because that is no friendship – they violate the very principles Friendship is founded on. Friendship must be built on good principles, there aren’t a lot of them but they must be respected to Enjoy any Friendship.…

Published on Leave a comment on How to Know When And How to Say NO

By Dr. Caroline Leaf And Dr. Henry Cloud
Neuroscientist And Psychologist

It's Alright To Say "NO..."
You Don't Have To Do Everything.

We all know that community is important for mental health, but what happens when people demand too much from us? How do we know when and how to say no before we feel drained and burnout? 

As I discuss in this week’s podcast with Dr. Henry Cloud, acclaimed leadership expert, bestselling author and psychologist, boundaries are as important as community when it comes to our mental health. It is not selfish to say no or give ourselves a break. 

We all need space, or what Dr. Cloud calls “property lines”, in our relationships. These lines set healthy limits in a friendship, and make sure people don’t throw their “trash” into your yard (figuratively speaking) or try control what you do and how you live. These are not walls: they are permeable. Ideally, we open our boundaries to let in good relationships, but we close them to keep out to threats and danger.

But, you may ask, what can you do when you feel obligated to say “yes” all the time and let people in all the time?…

Published on Leave a comment on 4 Ways Our Relationships Change Who We Are – Good And Not So Good

Gwendolyn Seidman Ph.D. PsychologyToday.Com

For good or bad, our partners influence us, and how we see ourselves.

When we are involved in serious romantic relationships, we find ourselves turning from a “me” to an “us”.1 This isn’t just a matter of semantics: The very nature of the self evolves through the relationship. We start to see our own self-concept as overlapping with that of our partner.2 That means that as we become increasingly committed, we find our self-concept actually changing—the “us” becomes “me.”3 But how does our self-concept change, and are these changes good or bad for us and our relationships?

According to Mattingly, Lewandowski, and McIntyre, our relationships can change our self-concepts in two ways:4

  • First, the size of your self-concept can change. It can expand, to include new traits or to make existing traits more prominent. For example, a man may discover a passion for gourmet cuisine after dates involving the preparation of elaborate meals. Alternatively, the size of your self-concept could shrink because the relationship has caused certain aspects of the self to be lost. This can happen because the relationship has caused you to neglect certain parts of yourself.
…

Published on Leave a comment on 10 Things Children Need That Money Can’t Buy – Some Inspiring Insights

By Joshua Becker

A MEANINGFUL AND INTERESTING SET OF PRINCIPLES THAT ARE KEPT IN PRACTICE AND ENCOURAGED BY A DAD WHO RUNS A WEBSITE CALLED BecomingMinimalist.Com THAT IS WORTH CONSIDERING. HE HAS SOME SPECIAL INSIGHTS I FEEL. IN A WORLD THAT IS SO FOCUSED ON MONEY AND MATERIAL POSESSIONS ETC MAYBE WE NEED TO REMEMBER OR BECOME AWARE OF THESE THINGS. BESIDES, SOME PEOPLE FEEL LIKE THEY DON'T HAVE MUCH TO OFFER THEIR KIDS, AND MAYBE THEY COULD FEEL A LITTLE RICH IF THEY'RE LIVING WITH SOME OF THESE PRINCIPLES IN THEIR HOME OR THAT THEY CAN BE. THERE ARE SOME GOOD OLD-FASHIONED THINGS HERE IN THIS POST THAT WERE PRACTICED BY GRANDPARENTS AND GREAT GRANDPARENTS OF YESTERYEAR THAT MAKES FOR HAPPY CHILDREN AND MAKES A HOUSE A HOME AND MOST OF US COULD BENEFIT FROM SOME OF THEM.

Healthy Parental Blessings Money Cannot Buy - Consider These

“If you haven’t time to respond to a tug at your pants leg, your schedule is too crowded.” – Robert Brault

Whether you have money in your bank account or not, you have something they need:

  1. Love. More important than anything else, children need your love. 
…

Published on Leave a comment on 9 Things Your Child Wishes You’d Do But Doesn’t Know How to Tell You

By Brandi Michel from FamilyFelicity.Com

“Happier Moms Raising Happier Families”

THIS MUM HAS SOME REAL INSIGHTS WITH KIDS, SHE LEARNED AS A PARENT. SHE MADE HER SHARE OF MISTAKES LIKE MOST PARENTS AND CAME UP WITH THESE PRECIOUS PRINCIPLES WHEN PRACTICED, CAN MAKE ALL THE DIFFERENCE - OUR KIDS ARE HAPPIER AND WELL ADJUSTED. CHILDREN DESERVE A BETTER START IN LIFE THAN THEY'RE GETTING OFTEN THESE DAYS. BRANDI'S ARTICLE SHOULD HELP MANY OF MY READERS TO BECOME WISER PARENTS WITH THANKFUL KIDS WHEN THEY GROW UP, REMEMBERING THEY BECAME SO MUCH HAPPIER WHEN THEIR UNSPOKEN NEEDS WERE MET. I WISH EVERYONE WELL.

There are some things our kids don’t always tell us. Things they should but don’t have the capacity to find the words. Or they just have no idea how to tell you. These are things they desperately need us to do for them, that often times go unmet.

These are the things that children wish their parents knew, so we could easily be equipped to meet their unsaid needs.

This is a sticky situation for both the kids who need them and the parents who unknowingly fail to deliver.…

Published on Leave a comment on Positive Psychology: Ways We Can Help Ourselves And Others

POSITIVE PSYCHOLOGY WAS INTRODUCED EARLY THIS CENTUARY (2000 and 2005) AND SOME OF IT'S PRINCIPLES CAN BE PRACTICED PERSONALLY - YOU WOULD NOT NEED A PSYCHOLOGIST. IN SOME RESPECTS, THIS KIND OF PRACTICE IS HEALTHIER THAN OTHERS, IF YOU DON'T OVER-DO IT (like most things). IT CERTAINLY HAS IT'S MERITS, YOU WILL SEE IN THIS POST. THESE DAYS, YOU CAN EVEN PRACTICE SOME BEHAVIOUR MODIFICATION TECHNIQUES WITHOUT THE NEED FOR A THERAPIST. SOME PSYCHOLOGISTS WRITE BOOKS AND VIDEOS SHOWING YOU HOW TO APPLY THE TECHNIQUES FOR YOURSELVES. THEY'RE GOOD FOR MAKING AND BREAKING HABITS. SOCIAL PSYCHOLOGY IS INTERESTING TOO. FOR NOW, LET'S SEE WHAT POSITIVE PSYCHOLOGY HAS TO OFFER, HEY?

WHAT IS POSITIVE PSYCHOLOGY

Traditionally in psychology, the focus has been on identifying and treating mental health problems such as depression. This is critically important for those facing mental illness however, it provides an incomplete picture of mental health. Positive psychology is a relatively new branch of psychology that shifts the focus from what is clinically wrong, to the promotion of wellbeing and the creation of a satisfying life filled with meaning, pleasure, engagement, positive relationships and accomplishment.

Positive psychology is not about putting on a happy face all the time.…

Published on Leave a comment on If Anyone Needs to Stay Positive, Validate Their Feelings—Study Says

I LIKE THE APPROACH IN THIS ARTICLE. POSITVE PSYCHOLOGY COMES UP WITH SOME SIMPLE SOLUTIONS FOR THINGS WE CAN TRY WITH OURSELVES AND FAMILY AND FRIENDS SOMETIMES, TO IMPROVE OUR SITUATION OR FRAME OF MIND. DELVING INTO PROBLEMS ETC IS OLD-SCHOOL, NOT OFTEN PRACTICED THESE DAYS, WHICH IS A GOOD THING REALLY BECAUSE THE LIGHTER WE CAN BE WITH EACH-OTHER THE BETTER. TALKING ABOUT PROBLEMS CAN BE COUNTER-PRODUCTIVE...... ENCOURAGEMENTS AND VALIDATION IS A BETTER WAY TO GO MOST TIMES. IT'S BETTER NOT TO FUSS TOO MUCH, IT CAN ACCENTUATE THINGS INSTEAD OF MAKING US FEEL BETTER:)

Telling a distressed friend or family member something as simple as “I understand why you feel that way” can go a long way toward helping loved ones feel better, new research suggests.

This is especially important with Children.

In an Ohio State University study, participants described to the researchers a real-life incident that made them angry.

When researchers didn’t show support or understanding for the anger participants were describing, the students showed declines in positive emotions. But when the researchers validated what the participants were saying, their positive emotions were protected and stayed the same.…